[T/N: Just a quick note. I’ll be using the following names from now on:
Toujou —> Tojo
Ootsuki —> Otsuki
Ryouta —> Ryota
Shuuichi —> Shuichi
Any other similar names will be as such.
Also, this series will have an upload schedule of 4 chapters per week.]
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Chapter 18 - Tojo Ayaka’s Emotions (1) Part 1
After dropping Ryota off at his kindergarten, I headed to the café where I was meeting Saki.
It was a quaint and serene café, nestled in a quiet residential area away from the bustling main street. As I opened the door, the pleasant ring of the bell greeted me.
"Welcome."
The barista, who was polishing glasses at the counter, brought me a glass of water after I took my seat.
"What would you like to order?"
"I'd like an iced café au lait, please."
"Certainly."
The barista bowed politely and returned to the counter. The café’s calm atmosphere, coupled with the barista’s courteous demeanor, created a tranquil setting. Given its secluded location, there were only a few other patrons besides myself.
Hmm. Saki isn’t here yet.
In the comfortable silence, the faint sound of jazz played softly in the background. Even though I wanted to enjoy this relaxing ambiance of my favorite café while I waited for Saki, I was just too anxious to fully appreciate it today. I kept glancing at the wall clock, fidgeting as I waited for my best friend to arrive.
My mind was preoccupied with what she had said last night. I needed to ask her about it as soon as possible.
…Argh! Time seems to be crawling like a snail!
It was 10:40 when I last checked, but now it was only 10:41. Was the clock broken? I checked my phone: 10:41... now 10:42. How could a minute feel so long? I really wanted Saki to get here soon.
I endured what felt like the longest few minutes of my life until finally, my best friend appeared at the entrance of the café.
"Ah, Ayaka! Yahoo! Did I keep you waiting?"
"I waited for too long. More than ten minutes."
"Okay, okay, still within acceptable limits~," Saki said, brushing off my complaint as she took the seat opposite me. It was 10:50, ten minutes before our scheduled time, so I couldn’t complain much more.
Impatiently, I blurted out, "Hey, Saki. About last night, I—"
"Whoa, hold on there, eager beaver. Let me order first."
"Oh, right. Sorry."
"Let’s see~ what did you get, Ayaka?"
"Iced café au lait."
"Then I'll have the same~."
As if on cue, the barista arrived to ask for her order. She chose the same one as mine. Afterwards she took a sip of the water the barista had brought.
Ugh! I’m already dying to hear what she had to say! Was she trying to make me wait on purpose?
Taking a sip, Saki sighed contentedly. "Ah, refreshing." Then, seeing the look on my face, she covered her mouth to suppress a laugh.
"Hey, Ayaka. Whychu making a face like that? "
"It's cause... you're teasing me."
Making me wait on purpose would naturally end up with me having my cheeks puffed up and my lips pouting involuntarily.
"You cutie~. Alright, let’s get down to it. This wise Saki is here to give you some advice!"
"So, what did you mean by 'those feelings' last night, Saki? What don’t I understand?"
The question had been swirling in my head since last night. Saki chuckled, clearly amused.
I’m trying to be serious here, hmph!
"Ahahaha! You went straight for it! Then, miss Ayaka. Did you get any sleep last night?"
"Of course not! How could I after you left me hanging like that?"
"I said I’m sorry. But you know that some things are better discussed in person, right?"
"Hmm, well, I guess…"
I reluctantly agreed to her words.
"So, back to the topic at hand."
Saki's expression turned serious as she looked me in the eyes. Suddenly, I felt like covering my ears. I’d been desperate to know, yet now I wanted to run away.
"Just to confirm: Otsuki-kun has been visiting your house as a housekeeper, right?"
"Yes."
"And he's become well-liked by Ryota-kun, your mom Ikue, and your dad Shuichi?"
"Yes."
"And recently, you've started to get self-conscious around Otsuki-kun more?"
"...Y-yes..."
Having to say it out loud made me feel really embarrassed. I’m pretty sure my face had gone beet red again.
"So now, you’re unsure if what you feel for Otsuki-kun is love or something else, and you want to understand it better."
"Love... well, yeah..."
Love… That’s right… If I had fallen for Otsuki-kun, it meant that I am in love with him, right? What should I do? Just the thought of it made my heart race and my chest tighten.
Seeing my reaction, Saki spoke softly, "Ayaka, how do you think you feel towards him?"
"That's what I can't figure out, so I'm asking you for advice, Saki.”
"Right. Well, hmm… How about this..."
Saki paused and looked up for a moment. Then, with a mischievous glint in her eyes, she suggested, "Why don't you… introduce me to Otsuki-kun?"
The moment I heard the words Saki blurted out, my heart was thrown into turmoil.
"Huh!? W-why?"
"From what you’ve told me, Otsuki-kun seems like a really nice guy~."
Eh? No way! Why? Does Saki… also like Otsuki-kun?
"Y-you're joking, right? Please tell me you're joking. Please, Saki?”
"No, not an ounce. I’m serious. That’s why, the next time he drops by your place, can I also come to hang out?"
"...No, you can’t."
Those words came out of my mouth almost immediately. Just the thought of Saki and Otsuki-kun talking made a strange, painful feeling well up inside me.
I’d never felt… such emotions before…
I didn’t want anyone else to know the side of Otsuki-kun that I know when he comes as a housekeeper. Just the thought of having anyone else know that side of him made me… really hate it.
"I can’t?"
"Yes... you, you can't."
After all, you’re cute, Saki. Unlike me, you get along well with boys, you’re also funny and interesting. And if you got close to Otsuki-kun, he’d surely be drawn to you.
And then... and then... Otsuki-kun—
"—will get stolen?"
"Eh!?"
When Saki said that, I couldn't help but widen my eyes in surprise.
"That’s what you were thinking of just now, right? That Otsuki-kun might get stolen away by me.”
"No... it’s not like I… No, you’re right… I might have thought about it… a bit."
Seeing my reluctant admission, Saki smiled, looking satisfied.
"It made you really hate the thought, right?”
“Hngg... yeah."
"And why do you think you felt that way?"
She asked like a teacher probing a student. Why did I hate it? Is it because I didn't want Saki and Otsuki-kun to get close? Because I didn’t want anyone else to see the side of him that only I know?
In other words, did I want to keep Otsuki-kun all to myself? Why did I want to do that? Why did I want him all to myself?
It was because... because I…
"—like him..."
I said it. I finally put it into words.
I admitted my feelings for Otsuki-kun.
Hearing my answer to her question, Saki smiled warmly.
"Good job. I’ll give you a gold star."
"...Do I… really like him? Is this… the feeling of liking someone?"
"Pretty much."
I placed my hand on my chest, feeling my heartbeat quicken. I looked down.
"You don't seem entirely convinced. What is it that’s making you unsatisfied, Ayaka?"
"What do I like.. about Otsuki-kun? When did I start liking him? I just… can't figure that out."
Otsuki-kun had only been in my life for a few days. He’d come over just three times. How could I have fallen for him in such a short period of time?
"I can't tell the exact moment I fell for him. In a typical romance, isn't that moment usually obvious?”
"Ayaka… what do you mean by 'usually'? Based on what?"
"Eh? Of course, based on romance mangas?”
The moment I said that, Saki muttered the words, “This girl…” before looking up at the ceiling.
"Listen, Ayaka. Your standards are far from normal. In fact, they’re practically the opposite."
"Eeh? That’s not true at all! Look, in every romance manga I’ve read, the moment the heroine falls in love is obvious. Some even use an entire page just to show that exact moment!”
"Stop comparing real life to manga! It's embarrassing!"
Saki, seemingly embarrassed, tried to stop me while looking at me like I was a hopeless case.
"Listen here. Mangas have readers right? And in order to make those readers enjoy it, they make scenes like those obvious on purpose. Understood?"
"But, but, it's not just manga. Romance novels too—.”
"Novels are also fiction! All of it is just fantasies! At best, it’s the author’s imagination! Real life doesn’t work that way!"
"Eeh… N-no way…"
Saki’s words shattered all of my romantic notions.
Does that also mean that my idea of ‘love’ was all just a fantasy…?
Seeing me so disheartened, Saki sighed heavily.
"Some manga and novels are also based on real experiences, so I can’t completely deny that, but still, I think that real-life romance and fictional romance are two different things."
"...Is that so? Then, does that mean that in reality, you can’t tell the exact moment you fall for someone?”
"Sometimes you can, but more often, you just realize one day that you’ve fallen for someone."
"You just realize one day that you’ve fallen..."
That was exactly my situation.
"B-but still, in real life, you’d also go badump when you meet eyes with someone you like, right?"
“Yep, that’s right."
"Then maybe… there’s a possibility that I haven’t fallen in love yet."
The last time Otsuki-kun visited, I intentionally tried to make eye contact to help confirm my feelings for him. I did feel a slight badump, but it wasn’t as intense as the ones in manga. It also might’ve just been because I was startled.
When I told Saki about this, she sighed heavily again.
"Hellaur? Like I said, fictional standards don't apply here. Also, you said you didn’t feel that big of a badump when you locked eyes with Otsuki-kun, but..."
Saki paused briefly before dropping the shocking truth.
"You… were already feeling your heart beat loudly before you even made eye contact, weren’t you?”
"—!?"
My eyes widened in shock.
N-now that she mentioned it, she might be right...
As I sat there, stunned, Saki gave me a wry smile.
“If your heart was already beating loudly in the beginning and became even louder after locking eyes with Otsuki-kun, it’s a miracle that your heart was able to endure it. Otherwise, you would’ve died from lovestroke, sending you straight to the afterlife.”
“Lovestroke… afterlife..."
Looking back at that time, I realized I might have been risking my life without even knowing it.
